Hey all you cool bots and comrades, it’s ya boi from The Robot Soccer League, back at it again with more list-based content to fulfill your robot fighting needs in the weeks that BattleBots isn’t airing. We had quite the episode this week, with plenty of sparks, the odd upset, no controversy (outside of my mind, that is), and an actual f*cking explosion that could’ve disintegrated the judges’ table. This sh*t was wild.
You know what else is wild? The power rankings! Things have been thrown about all over the place after this week, with some seismic shifts taking place, some big movers and a whole new outlook on the potential top 32. Things will become a lot clearer after next week when most bots will have fought twice, but for now, let’s sit down and take a look at how things have changed amidst the chaos of the week.
Just remember that, despite being six episodes in, we still haven’t seen Axolotl, Bale Spear, Black Widow, Chronos, Deadlift, P1, Rampage, or War? EZ! slug it out in the arena (save for a few fights in Bounty Hunters which we aren’t considering for these rankings), so it looks as though we won’t be seeing any of them making a solid run at the top 32. Shame, because I had Rampage down as a real title challenger.
Let us begin.
1. Uppercut (2-0) +5
Where else would they be after that performance? Following on from an effortless KO of Gemini, Uppercut asserts itself at the top of the rankings after demolishing SawBlaze, complete with explosion. My pre-season opinion of them has not aged well.
2. Mad Catter (3-0) =
The first bot to move to 3-0 this season and again, who saw this coming? A routine victory over Malice sees Martin Mason’s motley crew solidify a very respectable ranking for the championship bracket.
3. Bloodsport (2-0) -2
Knocked off top spot (for now), something tells me Bloodsport will come back with a bang for its third fight. Two easy KOs against Skorpios and End Game, an early Bloodsport-Uppercut championship match seems very much on the cards.
4. Lockjaw (2-0) =
Sticks at 4th for now after two solid, if not spectacular performances. Will probably need to come out all guns blazing in battle three to stay this high.
5. Black Dragon (2-0) =
Staying in the top five after a dodgy JD against Kraken and an obliteration of Claw Viper. See the above description of Lockjaw and apply it here as well.
6. Kraken (1-1) +1
That win over Witch Doctor has probably gotten it a place in the championship all on its own. Remains to be seen whether it can stay this high, but will hopefully be dealt an easier third fight after two bruising encounters with top bots.
7. Jackpot (2-0) +1
Still not entirely sure how Jackpot’s ended up this high (up one this week!), but here we are. A dominant slaying of Ghost Raptor makes up for a lackluster win over SubZero. Would be interesting to see how they do against a top 16-standard bot.
8. Valkyrie (2-0) +19
The week’s biggest movers after a sparkling win over Rotator, Valkyrie’s problems against Tantrum are a thing of the past. A comfortable 2-0 record, and will hopefully keep the momentum going into the championship.
9. Malice (2-1) =
Defeated all too easily at the hands of Mad Catter, Malice has certainly already had its flaws exposed this season, but a comfortable record, as well as setting Axe Backwards on literal fire, should see it safely into the bracket.
10. Copperhead (1-0) =
Staying in the top 10 despite having still only fought once, the potential Copperhead showed in its decapitation of Gigabyte is enough to convince me to keep it there for now. Looking forward to seeing what else it can do this season.
11. Hydra (2-0) =
I refuse to put Hydra in the top 10, I just do. Call me petty, but it’s a matter of principle at this point. Yes, it’s 2-0, yes it’s beaten two excellent bots, but there’s been little to no conviction in its performances. Prove me wrong in battle three, Mr. Ewert.
12. End Game (1-1) =
Faced two incredibly tough bots so far and sits pretty courtesy of that victory over Tombstone. Here’s hoping for a free KO against Axe Backwards to confirm its spot in the top 32.
13. SawBlaze (1-1) -10
How things change in a week. One day you’re sitting pretty in third, the next you’re down ten places after being ripped asunder. Spectacularly. Hopefully Jamison Go and co. can pick themselves up and score another W for a still deserved place in the bracket.
14. Mammoth (1-0) -1
Still standing tall in the top half of the bracket after an awesome victory over HUGE, but can it keep things up? Only time will tell, and its supposed next battle against Hypershock will be a big hint.
15. Gruff (1-0) -1
Same as Mammoth, has a massive fight coming up against Whiplash which will give us a better indicator as to its bracket credentials. A slightly stunted win over Hypershock, but a pretty decent one nonetheless
16. Tombstone (1-1) -1
Both sides of Tombstone have been on show this season so far. OOTA’d against End Game, dominant against Slap Box. Its third fight will see what side of the bracket it falls on.
17. SlamMow (1-0) -1
Still in shock that a machine built by Craig Danby is this high up the list, but it turned in an impressive showing against Pain Train. Let’s see how it does against something, well, better.
18. Chomp (1-0) -1
A decent showing over Gamma 9, but will probably struggle against stronger opposition. Still deserves its current spot though.
19. Skorpios (1-1) -1
Came back with a rip-roaring display against Perfect Phoenix, and if it keeps up that level of performance its a sure fire pick for the top 32. Could do with some consistency.
20. Tantrum (1-1) +12
Up twelve places to a spot its performances merit this season, Tantrum made amends for its sudden breakdown against Valkyrie by shunting Atom #94 into submission. Here’s hoping for more of the same.
21. SubZero (1-1) -2
Victory against Grabot generally means f*ck all, but SubZero tossed its opponent around like a rag doll. Still work to be done after a sudden loss to Jackpot.
22. Fusion (1-1) -2
Redeemed itself from its fight against Mad Catter with a big energy win over Aegis, but again, it doesn’t really mean anything, does it? Give it a(n established) higher calibre opponent and let’s see how it does.
23. Big Dill (1-1) -2
Bullied Atom #94 all over the box, but looked all kinds of hopeless against Lockjaw. Hopefully it’ll be back to its early form in fight three.
24. Claw Viper (1-1) -2
Swap out Atom #94 for HiJinx and Lockjaw for Black Dragon, and you have Claw Viper’s description already written out.
25. Perfect Phoenix (1-1) -2
Another newbie whose fate hangs in the out come of a third fight. Made light work of Extinguisher but was dominated by Skorpios.
26. Ribbot (1-1) -2
Not been the best of seasons so far for Ribbot. Managed a decent win over Tracer but threw its fight against Mad Catter with some careless driving. Needs to improve.
27. Gigabyte (1-1) +18
A big mover after a straight forward win over Extinguisher, it still has work to do to nail down a spot in the bracket. We still haven’t forgotten the demolition job it got from Copperhead.
28. Shatter (1-1) -3
An unconvincing KO and a controversial loss to start the season, it’s fair to say it’s been an up and down start for Adam Wrigley and co. – still signs of promise that they’ll push on and claim a spot in the bracket.
29. Beta (1-0) -3
Still here after its “controversial” win over Rotator. Expect it to shoot up the leaderboard in due course when it supposedly faces Rusty this coming week.
30. Slap Box (1-1) +6
Didn’t look at 100% in its KO of Sharko, but a nonetheless important result as it adds to a respectable performance against the mighty Tombstone.
31. Rusty (1-0) -3
Yup, Rusty’s still here. Enjoy it while it lasts, folks.
32. Hypershock (0-1) -2
Rounds out the provisional top 32 for now after showing some promising signs in its defeat to Gruff. Will hope to avoid going 0-2 in a potentially tricky tie against Mammoth.
33. Whiplash (0-1) -2
Still absent from the show after falling to defeat in its opening fight. Will apparently be taking on Gruff to get its season back on track. If my pre-season pick for the Giant Nut goes 0-2 I swear…
34. SMEEEEEEEEEEEEE (1-1) -1
Finally has a record to reflect its performances, even if I disagree with the outcome against Pain Train. Some really dull fights so far, and unless it pulls off another win I can’t see it making the top 32.
35. Pain Train (1-1) +11
Basically I put it below SMEEEEEEEEEEEEE because I don’t think it won the fight. Yes it’s petty, but I wield the power here. Can’t put it in the top 32 because it’s looked generally useless this season, save for one good shot in the last fight.
36. Rotator (0-2) -7
Now Rotator as well?! The latest high-profile bot to fall to 0-2 after two JDs went against them. It hasn’t exactly looked bad this season, so surely we’ll see it wrangle its way into the bracket somehow?
37. HUGE (0-2) -3
Same with my beloved HUGE. Tossed out of the arena by Mammoth, kept in the corner by Hydra. It’s been unlucky more than anything this season. Here’s hoping for a free win to boost it into the top 32.
38. Captain Shrederator (0-1) -3
Another one we’ve yet to see since the opening night, the longer Shrederator remains absent the less chance it has of reaching the bracket. Even for when we next see it, I wouldn’t hold out too much hope.
39. Gamma 9 (0-1) -2
Knocked out against Chomp after a fairly decent showing. If the durability issues that plagued it in the past are still present, I can’t see it making it much further than this.
40. Witch Doctor (0-2) -2
Last season’s runner-up is in desperate need of a victory (and a good one at that) after a poor showing so far that sees it at 0-2. Surely it’s got to find its way into the championship?
41. Tracer (0-1) -1
Flipped over in one felled swoop against Ribbot without doing a whole lot. Has potential, but also several glaring weaknesses.
42. HiJinx (0-1) -1
The undercutter has some power to it, but never got going against Claw Viper. Not sure if it’ll be able to pull its way back into bracket contention.
43. Sporkinok (0-1) -1
If you can’t put up a good fight against Rusty you’re not gonna be in the top 32. End of.
44. Ghost Raptor (0-2) -1
A “triumphant” return to our screens, fizzling out with a whimper. Has been a mixture of destroyed and on literal fire so far.
45. Sharko (0-2) -6
An awesome-looking bot, but hasn’t put up much of a fight this season. Not that we expected it to, it’s just good to have it here.
46. Axe Backwards (0-1) +1
Over and out in a big ball of fire.
47. Gemini (0-1) +1
KO’d in two hits against Uppercut. Can’t see it improving.
48. Atom #94 (0-2) -4
Another disappointing display, KO’d all too easily against Tantrum after barely getting going against Big Dill. A top 32 spot looks extremely unlikely.
49. Aegis (0-1) =
Had its armour strewn all over the box against Fusion. Think we may have seen the last of it already.
50. Grabot (0-1) +1
I’m still not sure what it is, all I know is that its performance against SubZero was complete sh*t.
51. Extinguisher (0-2) -1
Back to propping up the rear, Extinguisher predictably falls to 0-2 after being routinely demolished by Gigabyte. RIP to its Giant Nut hopes (if it ever had any).
And there we have it everyone, another fun romp through my own personalised BattleBots standings. Things are definitely going to be shaken up next week, with most bots going into their second fight, as we see the top 32 slowly start to take shape. We still don’t know if there’ll be another Desperado Tournament, or some other sort of “last chance” rumble, so we may yet still see some of the current no-hopers worm their way in. Yay us.
Thanks again for ever for sticking with me through this, and be sure to tune back in for some predictions very soon.
The Robot Soccer League 