Good evening comrades, and welcome back to your favourite time of the week, brought to you by someone you either don’t know, or are wholly indifferent about, it’s the BattleBots power rankings. I know, I’ve been looking forward to this as well.
Sadly, this is the penultimate, possibly final edition of the power rankings, which I’m pretty gutted about. It’s been a labour of love, toil, sweat, tears, and overall a whole heap of fun. As the season has gone on it’s become harder and harder to rank the bots exactly and properly, and now that we’re at the tail-end of the regular season, this past week has been no exception. We saw a whole host of bots stuck at 1-1 slug it out against each other, teams fighting to save their seasons, and a pretty epic main event. It’s been a real nightmare putting these bots in order this week, so, as usual, here’s your incoming warning for the several controversial placements that you’ll no doubt disagree with.
Let’s get cracking.
1.Bloodsport (3-0) =
Sticks it out at number one for yet another week. Comfortable wins over Skorpios, End Game and Chronos see them stand out as one of the teams to beat.
2.Uppercut (2-0) =
Their upcoming fight against Hydra is going to be explosive. Hopefully even more so than its fight against SawBlaze. What a season it’s had so far, and will end it with an epic-looking fight against Hydra. Apparently.
3. Copperhead (3-0) +2
It wasn’t an effortless display against Black Dragon, but very few fights against the Brazilians ever are. Another well-earned win to round out an unbeaten regular season, and looks set to impress in the top 32.
4. Jackpot (3-0) -1
It still amazes me that Jackpot has gone 3-0, but yet, here we are. Disposing of Lockjaw after dismantling Ghost Raptor and, well, surviving SubZero, means it looks set for a high seeding come the bracket.
5. Mad Catter (3-0) -1
Rounding out this batsh*t mental top 5 that precisely no-one saw coming, Mad Catter finds itself in Wonderland after going unbeaten. One of the most notably improved bots in the whole field.
6. Skorpios (2-1) =
The win over Tombstone alone sees them into the top 10. It’s not been an easy ride for Skorpios, but they look set to pull out a few more tricks and surprises in the championship.
7. Black Dragon (2-1) =
Yes, they lost against Copperhead, but they didn’t do themselves a disservice at all, even mounting a solid comeback without their weapon. It’s been decent stuff so far, but expect more in the top 32.
8. Valkyrie (2-0) =
Riding high in the top 10 for now, but supposedly has a tough battle against Whiplash coming up to finish the season. That’ll be a real test of character.
9. Lockjaw (2-1) =
Two measured victories followed by a disappointing loss to Jackpot. Will probably bring its very best to the top 32.
10. Malice (2-1) =
Yup, say what you will, it’s still in the top 10 for now. Mostly because it set Axe Backwards on fire, and has looked genuinely impressive so far. How far it could go in the championship remains an open-ended question, though.
11. Hydra (2-0) =
You’re not in the top 10 yet, Hydra. Put the bike rack down, go and beat Uppercut, and then come back to me.
12. Gigabyte (2-1) +20
The joint-biggest mover of the week, and one that may raise a few eyebrows, but I think Gigabyte has looked f*cking deadly in its last two fights, and has recovered superbly from their thrashing against Copperhead. Definitely one to watch.
13. SubZero (2-1) -1
Has certainly improved this season, dominating its fights, but hasn’t been offered much of a challenge so far. Hopefully we get to see it mingle with the big boys soon enough.
14. Beta (2-0) -1
One “controversial” win, a simple win over Rusty. Whoever its last opponent is should expect some big time hammer action.
15. End Game (1-1) -1
Made a barnstorming start against Tombstone, but fizzled out against Bloodsport. Has a massive deciding fight against Hypershock coming up later this week.
16. SawBlaze (1-1) -1
Was dominant against Whiplash, but was the wrong kind of explosive against Uppercut. Is supposedly fighting the titan that is Rusty in its final fight, meaning a performance of epic proportion is required to secure a top 32 spot.
17. Whiplash (1-1) -1
Speaking of Whiplash, it’s recovered well from its bruising from SawBlaze but turning in a virtuoso display against Gruff. This apparent fight against Valkyrie it has will really test its credentials though.
18. Hypershock (1-1) =
Served up some smoked mammoth after being torched by Gruff. It’s deciding fight against End Game will truly be one for the ages.
19. Kraken (1-2) =
Probably the highest rank you’ll see for a bot with a negative record this season, it really has been that impressive. Three challenging opponents, three very respectable performances, including a victory over Witch Doctor. Top stuff.
20. Ribbot (2-1) +1
Has felt like a bit of a non-entity this season after two very easy wins, but was let down by poor driving against Mad Catter. Much to learn if it is to continue on.
21. Fusion (2-1) +1
Has looked in equal parts truly frightening and completely useless this season. Who knows how it’ll do if it faces another Mad Catter type later in the season?
22. Perfect Phoenix (2-1) +9
Has a better record than his mentor! Straight-forward (mostly, anyway) victories over Extinguisher and Atom #94 put it in strong contention for a spot in the top 32.
23. Shatter (2-1) +10
Hasn’t looked at its best so far this season, but that was a much-needed winning display over Shrederator. Keep that sort of performance up and it could spring a couple of surprises en route to a deep run in the tournament.
24. Rotator (1-2) -1
Despite its losing record, Rotator’s still looked pretty vicious this season, and should claim a spot in the bracket courtesy of its dismantling of Big Dill.
25. Witch Doctor (1-2) +20
Delivered in a big way against SlamMow after going through some issues in its previous two fights. The new disc managed to hold together and may well have saved their season.
26. HUGE (1-2) -2
Had some bad luck in the sense it had to fight the one robot bigger than itself, as well as a bike rack this season. That win over Kraken was pretty gnarly, though.
27. Tombstone (1-2) -2
The king is on the ropes! It’s not been the ideal season for Ray Billings & co. by any stretch of the imagination, but it should just about squeeze its way in. It has to, right?!
28. Gruff (1-2) -11
Completely threw the fight against Extinguisher, and possibly its top 32 hopes with it. Was in complete control until the breakdown, and now its destiny is left out of its hands.
29. HiJinx (2-1) +9
That was a pretty great showing it put on against Chomp. Add that to its off-camera win over Tracer and you’ve suddenly got a bot that could be a dark horse for the top 32. Go owls!
30. Mammoth (2-1) -2
I feel bad putting Mammoth lower down the list after it claimed another win, but it did so off-camera, and supposedly in less than convincing fashion. May still make it in by way of its win over HUGE more than anything.
31. SlamMow (2-1) -11
Has suplexed its way to a 2-1 record, but will it be enough? Witch Doctor is a tough opponent for anyone to come up against, but it did look a bit out of its depth against an actually good opponent. Still has a chance of making the bracket, though.
32. Tantrum (1-1) -5
Has looked much improved this season, and currently hangs on to the last top 32 spot in the hopes that a fantastic final performance sees it confirm a surprise place in the tournament.
33. Chomp (1-2) -7
Despite winning the prizes for “coolest bot” and “best engineering”, it sadly doesn’t look like we’ll be seeing Chomp in the top 32, after it was revealed it had lost to Ghost Raptor before its fight against HiJinx. Whatever happens, it was awesome to see it in action.
34. Captain Shrederator (1-2)-4
That’s the last time I put my faith in the spinning stars n’ stripes. After a promising start against Shatter, Shreds got up to its old tricks by fizzling out and getting whacked on the bonce with a hammer. The top 32 doesn’t look likely.
35. Claw Viper (1-2) -6
It had all looked so good after their win over HiJinx, but has since been resoundingly beaten by Black Dragon and Gigabyte without putting up much of a fight. Control issues have plagued them this season.
36. Big Dill (1-2) -2
Another one that started out so promisingly, its win over Atom #94 seems a distant memory now. Lockjaw and Rotator have made it look decidedly average.
37. Tracer (1-2) -1
Has fallen foul of being flipped over twice this season, both times all too easily. Somehow I don’t think beating Bale Spear will propel it into top 32 contention.
38. Ghost Raptor (1-2) +8
Finished its season off-camera with a supposed victory over Chomp. Doesn’t make its performances in its two televised fights any less sh*te.
39. Slap Box (1-1) -2
I don’t know if we’ll see Slap Box a final time this regular season, but it’ll need a huge performance to drag its way into the top 32. What a story it’d be if it did, though.
40. Rusty (1-1) -1
I still had some semblance of hope that my beloved Rusty would drag its way back into the bracket. Then I heard it was facing SawBlaze and all hope went out the window. It will live on in my dreams.
41. Extinguisher (1-2) +16
I don’t know how we got here, but after weeks at the bottom of the pile, Extinguisher has pulled itself up the ladder with a win over Gruff. Yes, it did f*ck all to earn it, and no, I don’t think we’ll be seeing it any more this season. In all honesty, I’m pretty confused.
42. War? EZ! (1-2) -2
Had the majority of its season untelevised, which is never a good sign. Suplexed to death by SlamMow, destroyed in one hit by Fusion. Thanks for coming, guys.
43.SMEEEEEEEEEEEEE (1-1) –2
I don’t know if we’ll see any more of SMEEEEEEEEEEEEE this season, but if we do I hope its last fight is a darned more entertaining sight than what we’ve had to meander through already.
44. Pain Train (1-1) -2
Promised quite a lot this season, but when it hasn’t looked clueless it’s weapon’s been too busy falling off. Not sure how much more we’ll see of this one.
45. P1 (1-1) -2
The racing car theme is cool, but its performances have been anything but. An untelevised win over Chronos adds to a quick defeat against Copperhead. I don’t fancy its chances moving forwards.
46. Deadlift (1-1) -11
Rounding out the win gang, it doesn’t look good for Deadlift. Two untelevised fights, including a recently revealed loss to Mammoth. Unless it does bits in a fight in this upcoming episode, I don’t think it’ll progress any further.
47. Gamma 9 (0-1) -3
We’ve literally not seen Gamma 9 in weeks, and I’m not sure we’ll be seeing it again. Who even knows if it fought again?
48. Chronos (0-2) -1
Held up well against Bloodsport, but an 0-2 record going into the last episode doesn’t bode well at all for them.
49. Sharko (0-2) -1
I don’t think Sharko will be making the top 32 in its swan song campaign, but here’s hoping we get to see it one last time to bow out in style.
50. Axe Backwards (0-2) -1
So far we’ve seen Axe Backwards both on fire and down a wheel. Who knows what we’ll see next, if anything.
51. Sporkinok (0-2) -1
It’s now been confirmed that Sporkinok only had two fights in this regular season, all but sealing its fate.
52. Gemini (0-1) -1
Gemini still hasn’t been seen since being yeeted out of the arena. Expect to see it in the highlights of this last episode, but not in the top 32.
53. Aegis (0-1) =
I don’t even know if Aegis could recover from its beating at the hands of Fusion. A harsh lesson for the newbies.
54. Grabot (0-1) =
Still only one fight to its name, and another one I somehow don’t think will be making a late surge for a bracket spot.
55. Axolotl (0-2) =
It’s been rumoured that Axolotl had two fights this regular season, putting paid to their thin hopes of a top 32 spot.
56. Bale Spear (0-2) =
Another one that only fought twice this season, it’s back to the farm for the Bale boys.
57. Atom #94 (0-3) -5
The only bot that’s gone 0-3 (so far) this season, and hasn’t really put up much of a fight. A disappointing season for the boys from, say it with me, India by way of Canada.
And that about does it for another week, my dudes. If this does turn out to be the last power ranking of the series, then it’s been an honour sharing these lists with you, and I’m thrilled that you all enjoyed reading. Maybe this isn’t the last power ranking of the season, and there’ll still be plenty of coverage on the top 32, but for what it’s worth, it’s been an honour. But as we round out the action of the regular season, we’ve got one heck of an episode to sort things out in. SawBlaze vs Rusty. Valkyrie vs Whiplash. End Game vs Hypershock. Uppercut vs Hydra. On top of these four epic match-ups, we’ve got the fates of Beta, Tantrum, Slap Box, and many more to sort out over an hour and twenty-five minutes of television. I don’t know if my lil’ heart can take this much excitement.
Speaking of, there will be a review of episode 10 once it’s out, as well as episodes 8 and 9 before then. I haven’t had the time/strength to write any new reviews as of late, but they’ll be back, and in greater numbers. There’ll also be predictions for the final episode, and for the two new episodes of Bounty Hunters that’ll be out during the week. I know, they’re finally here!
Thanks for reading, folks. Stay safe, and here’s to a cracking end to the regular season.
The Robot Soccer League 